30 October 2009


(Photograph copyright 2009, all rights reserved)

As always, this post is based on the letters to Prudie at Dear Prudie

Now, this is a parody. It is not to be taken seriously by anybody. It will be unkind (especially this week), and there will be bad language. If you have a problem with that, then move on. If you stay anyway and get up my nose about it, then I will mock you in the way that only MessyONE can mock you. Clearly the "adult content" warning will have flown right past you when you opened this page.

Right, then. Some of you may have guessed that I'm a bit testy this week. Two straight weeks of clouds, pouring rain and gloom will do that to me every single time. Even the cats are bummed out. I've added "scraping the mildew out from between my toes" to my pedicure, it's that soggy around here. You'd think it was Seattle!

It's all right, though. The letters this week are....perfect for me. Yes, yes they're PERFECT! (Insert snort of derision and scorn here.)

1. I hate to say this because everyone and his dog has already told you this, but it seems I have to do it. You're apparently too thick to get it the first 500 times. Your boyfriend is not "great". He isn't even "nice". He doesn't love you, and in fact, he doesn't even like you. He gets off on hurting you, in fact. I'm betting that you "get along very well" when you obey his every whim, even if you don't realize that's what you're doing. So


Now pay attention, twit. What the HELL are you doing here? Do you LIKE being held down and tortured? Seriously. You've told the asshole that you seem to think is super-duper-good-guy over and over, using your words yet, that HE'S HURTING YOU! Worse yet, you already KNOW that he thinks hurting you is fun! Tell me, does he have the best erections of his life watching you scream at him to stop hurting you? Does he "have" to have sex after a torture session? Is he that sick?

What if it weren't tickling? What if his "thing" was to "playfully" smack your bare ass with a fly swatter until you bled, all the while telling you that pain is meaningless if you could just learn to ignore it. That ok with you? No? So what's the fucking difference here?

Did you know that parents have been charged with child abuse for doing to kids what your boyfriend is doing to you now? Do you READ, little girl, or do you just believe him when he says it's all "lies". Tell me, if you piss yourself (a poster on Slate suggested this), does he bother apologizing? Does he clean up after you? Or does he make you clean it up yourself all the while lecturing you about how you need to learn "control"?

See, I think you know you're being abused, otherwise you would never have written the letter. Some tiny little part of your pea-sized brain has registered that this guy is having fun humiliating and dominating you against your will. Your pain makes him happy. He LIKES watching you cry. He thinks that his place is to make sure you know yours, and by God he's happy to demonstrate that in a physical way.

What if you DO learn to control yourself? What then? Tickling you won't be fun for him any more, will it? If you aren't in apparent pain, then that sucks the joy right out of it for him. So what is he going to do next? He's into control and domination (and not in a good way), so what do you think? Maybe lock you in a dark room and let you scream to get out? Would that be enough for him? No? How about if he ties you up and leaves you alone in the house with a camcorder recording your every tear? Think that'll do it for him?

Of course since he likes to get physical, probably the pain needs to be more concrete to him. Likely he'll start slapping you around. Not hard at first, of course. Just enough to make you cry and beg so he can lecture you about "control". Does any of this sound like fun to you, dumbass?

You're not married to this chump. You have no obligations to him. Thankfully you have enough sense not to get knocked up by this abusive SOB (so far) so that you have to see him for the rest of your life. You are an adult. No one can harm you without your consent. Keep repeating this to yourself and GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.

2. Kid, I feel for you. (I can say "kid", because I'm well over thirty, so there!) It had to be rough, growing up with a drunk for a parent. A lot of people can never move past that - I'm glad to see that you can. It's nice that your mother's been sober, too. It probably saved her life. Too bad for her it's too little, too late. Next time you talk to her, tell her to


I can't help but wonder what in blazes your mother thinks she's playing at now. Does she want to hear about your adolescence because she feels like she missed out on the abuse she heaped on you and she wishes that she remembers seeing your pain? Is she still punishing herself for her own stupidity?

Either way, it's HER problem, not yours. You owe her nothing. I know (better than most) that talking about these things and rehashing the past can make things worse rather than better. Obsessing over past hurts and, contrary to what pop psych idiots will tell you, is NOT necessary for healing. In fact, keeping the memories nice and fresh is the LAST thing you want to do. You have every right to tell her to get lost the next time she asks to hear these things.

Besides, what are you going to say to her anyway? I can think of some things that very likely happened...

- Gee Mom, do you want to talk about how I never had friends over to the house because the stench of old vomit was so ingrained to the house that the reek of it was enough to gag a goat?

- How about all the times I had to strip you off, wipe the vomit off you and put you to bed? Did you want to hear that? Too bad I didn't take photos, right?

- Then there was the out-of-control screaming at me every time you were hallucinating about whatever it was that you were hallucinating about that day. No, you never did see pink elephants. On those nights I put a chair under the door knob of my room, because I didn't like the look in your eye.

- Would you like to hear about there being no food in the house to eat and there not being any money to buy food because you were drinking it all? Or the way you used to steal the money from my part time job?

- How about the prom I never got to go to because you drank my dress money?

- What about the rotten teeth I had to deal with as an adult because you couldn't be bothered to take me to the dentist...or the doctor....

See, you can list all of this stuff off to her, she'll pretend that she's mortified and apologize to you repeatedly. The whole 12-step bullshit talks about apologizing to the people the addict has hurt. Too bad most ex-alkies (and ex-junkies) never seem to understand that they can apologize until they're blue in the face and there are some things that can never be forgiven. In fact, there are things that SHOULD never be forgiven.

It sounds as if your mother wants you to bleed for her for reasons of her own. They don't concern you, and anything you don't want to tell her is none of her business. She CHOSE to check out for the most transformative years of your life. She CHOSE to let you raise yourself. Be assured, you did a better job than she ever could have, drunk or sober.

Her request and her nagging about it are upsetting you. They're bringing up things for you that are better left in the past. I'd also hazard a guess that the mere fact of her nagging sounds just a little like the way she sounded when she was drinking and pursuing answers in ways that only a dedicated drunk can do. Tell her you can't talk about, write about or even mime that stuff for her. Let her know that YOU had to deal with that yourself and now it's her turn. If she can't remember it, then that's too bad. Tell her that it's too painful for you to re-live it all.

Then tell her to stop nagging. She probably has some half-assed therapist who's told her that she "has" to hear these things and "understand your pain". Half-assed therapists like to think that they can help their patients by making their victims suffer some more. In fact, it's a favorite trick of half-assed therapists of this ilk to try and bully their patient's relatives to a session so they can "relearn how to relate". (Can you tell I've heard all of this shite before?) Remember that if she tries to convince you to go with her that none of this is about you or your feelings. It's all about HER, and it's as selfish of her to do that as it was for her to booze her way through your childhood. It's all bullshit.

I know it feels like she's trying to turn you back into that kid that she abandoned all those years ago. But you're an adult now. You're angry with her, and you have the right to be angry. You have the right to tell her to get lost, and you also have the absolute right to limit your contact with her if she persists.

3. Wow. So you're new to "grown-up" entertaining.... the way you talk, you're also new to "potty-training" and "eating with a fork". I bet you were the kid who gave out invitations to your birthday party to all the kids in class. And on some of them you added "don't" to "Please attend". Are you that much of a bitch (and I mean that in a gender-neutral sense, for those that think this is a guy)? I mean you've been all the way through graduate school, so I'm assuming that the number of years you've been on the planet qualifies you as an adult, but...


The answer to your question is "no". No, you may NOT EVER invite half a couple to any event that you're holding. It's NOT acceptable to do that under ANY circumstances. See, no one gives a damn that their significant others aren't significant to you, shithead. THEY ARE A TEAM.

You don't have to like it. No one cares what you think. If you want to stay friends with these people, then you had damned skippy get to know their significant others and make them significant to you, because you don't get to separate couples the way you're proposing to do. I guess you could TRY, but the instant you pop out with "and don't bring your girlfriend/boyfriend/ fiance/e/spouse", you will be off their lists permanently. No one wants to hang out with an asshole who has decided that for the rest of his/her life, he/she will only have ten friends.

I'm guessing that you're going to be spending a whole lot of time alone in the near future. Since you're going to have all that free time, I suggest that you check out about six etiquette books (start with Emily Post and work your way through - you CAN read, right?) and memorize them. Then, when you've recovered from that nasty case of Cranial-Rectal Syndrome you've been suffering from for all these years, you can try again.

4. Oh, aren't you just....special! You adopted one of those underprivileged children that you read about in the paper! Oh, how wonderful of you! How politically correct! How pleased you must be with yourself! Why I bet everyone in your encounter group is just full of praise for the horrendous yet rewarding job you took on! How.....


Jesus lady, if this were a hundred years ago, I'm guessing that you would be spending your life on the Dark Continent converting the Brown People, too. Patronizing asshole.

What's the problem, you didn't qualify for a Chinese baby girl so you made a virtue out of settling for a kid in foster care? That's how it sounds, sugar. I'm sure that poor kid is just thrilled to fucking bits every time you tell her how lucky she is and will send you letters throughout her life "filled with love and gratitude" (Sally Struthers reference, I am that old.).

What part of "she was in foster care" did you miss? Do you have even the slightest idea what it takes not only for a kid to be taken away from a parent, but for that parent to have their rights permanently stripped from them so the child can be adopted? Did you even ASK why this happened?

Personally, I think open adoptions in general are prone to the kind of child abuse that you've been committing for the past seven years. Kids do NOT need to know just how bad their lives could have been if it weren't for being adopted. Older kids - and five qualifies - do NOT need to re-live the horrendous and life-threatening abuse they were subjected to when they were little. I see another half-assed therapist that's made a lot of money off you in the past seven years, you credulous bitch, but I also see a fucked-up twelve-year-old who will suffer for the rest of her life because you took that load of bullshit and forced it down her throat.

She's old enough to stand up for herself now, and she has a right to be listened to. She doesn't NEED to be forced to talk to the crack whore that turned tricks in the same bed she had to sleep in. She doesn't NEED to be left alone with the granny who locked her in a cupboard and half-starved her to death. She doesn't NEED to be around the meth-head father that strapped her until she bled and broke her bones when she disobeyed him.

See, that's the kind of stuff that puts kids in the situation you adopted her from. If the scum that are her birth family stay in contact with her, you will be responsible for all of the pain that comes from that. YOU may "disapprove of the choices" they've made, but SHE is the one that has to deal with them. If you force this issue, there will come a day when she walks out your door and never returns. Nothing about this situation is right, and you need to back down now.

There's time enough for her to have to fend off her hillbilly birth relatives when they come harassing her for money because you were stupid enough to make sure they know where she lives.


  1. Word. But like I said on the Submariner's pages, I can't get TOO angry about Baby's First Dinner Party-warty, because I'm pretty damned socially inept, too. Most of my friends are single like me, and for those who aren't, apparently I'm the Escape Friend: the one who offers them the Chick Day to escape from the SO and The Kids. Well, for those who have them. Actually, I only have one (local) friend with kids. Yeah, I don't get out much.

    I agree that the person is an idiot, though. Sit-down dinners. Bleah! Just host a BBQ or something.

    But the Heroic Adoptive Parents *do* get me as worked up as they did you.

  2. See, I have no problem with having girl's nights or girls' only events. This is different. The LW has decided that the SOs of his friends don't count and he/she NEVER wants to have anything to do with them. You and I both know that's bullshit.

    Plus, this was to be a sit-down dinner party, and THAT's why the LW really got lambasted. This is a situation where you include everyone or you cancel the event. If he/she really wants grad school friends to be part of her life, then she has to accept their relationships and their SOs.

    I'm guessing that you know better than to be rude to your married friend's husband. I'm also guessing that if you did throw a cocktail party or barbecue, you'd tell her to bring her husband, too. BECAUSE IT'S POLITE. Besides, your friend picked him, so he has to be an all-right person, right?

    I asked The Boy what he thought of the dinner party plan the LW cooked up. He said that if the invitation specifically excluded me, he wouldn't go. It's disrespectful of both a friend and a friend's spouse to do that. A business dinner is a different critter, and he goes to those all the time. As far as I'm concerned, I don't want to be there. It's boring beyond belief.

  3. Bravo! Big standing O, especially for LWs 2 and 4. What kind of idiot hates ALL of his or her friends' partners? Lack of space, my ass. And that adoptive mother! Sweet Jesus on a toast, why is she more concerned about everyone else than about her daughter?

  4. Messy, you outdid yourself this week. I just hope that LW1, 2, and 4 somehow get to read your advice. I'm worried about the first two and for the adopted kid in no. 4. Of course she must have suffered abuse and neglect and her adoptive parents should show they're true parents by totally taking her side.... (letter 3 is just too ridiculous! A sit down "grown up" dinner --give me a break!)

  5. LW #2's mother is off her rocker if she thinks she has the right to hear every single detail of the shitty things she did to her own kid when she was drinking. It's as selfish as anything any other addict does.

    I'm amazed the LW didn't cut her mother off long ago. Hopefully she limits contact to the occasional e-mail now. (Hey, it's working for me!)

  6. Hmmm. Yep. That's what's in my head all right. So how come it sounds so different coming from you?

    Good point on this ~ It's not just parents that have been "charged with child abuse for doing to kids what your boyfriend is doing to you now". What this guy is doing, aside from being simple domestic violence ~ is a felony. Does nobody get that? Holding someone down under their protest is "unlawful imprisonment" and this guy could do some serious time. One count for each day he committed the offense. The penalty for PC 237 is $1000 fine and a year in jail. If the imprisonment is achieved by "violence, menace, fraud, or deceit" then the time is served in State prison. That'd be cool. Then boyfriend could get told to "master his mind" so he won't "panic" as he's getting cornholed by his own personal Zen Master (props to Smag for that one.)

    And this crap about him "not understanding ~ because she's laughing" is bullshit. Chimps also grin when they're terrified and even the lowest of primates recognize that.

  7. But nobody wants to believe that someone who claims to be "in love" can do anything wrong. It doesn't help that the LW herself seems to think this guy is some sort of paragon.

    It all comes back to my observation about the neighbors of serial killers and child molesters. They'll defend the person to the death and in the face of overwhelming evidence because "he seemed like such a nice guy - pillar of the community, etc." It never seems to occur to them that he's just discovered a perfect way to get to his victims.

    WE know exactly what can happen and you and I have fairly well-honed "creep radar". It's something learned, it's not innate. No one wants to believe that someone they know can do this shit. I swear it's part of the reason domestic abuse can go on for so long before someone says something.

    Like Robin Williams said about child abusing priests, "Remember kids, it's not just a sin, it's a felony."

  8. "Cranial-Rectal Syndrome". I love that. It certainly explains some things about a few of my coworkers.

  9. Hilarious, right? The neat thing is that the dummies won't get it, so you can insult them freely.

    I got it wrong, though. The Boy calls that condition "Cranial-Rectal Inversion", which I think sounds a lot snappier.

  10. Something to consider: If the adoptive parents have been leaving the child unsupervised with her birth family, they need to consider the possibility that someone has been trying to touch to child inappropriately or has been making remarks of a sexual nature to her and the girl is too embarrassed to tell anyone.

  11. Great job as always, Messy! I miss your wit on the Fray. Things over there just aren't the same without it! As a person who has been through and survived an emotionally/verbally/mentally abusive relationship, LW#1 really resonated with me, Your advice was absolutely spot on. I can only hope she finds her way here and takes advantage of your wisdom before it is too late.

  12. BTW-I LOVE your cat! He/she looks like my cat Spice who dissapeared over a year ago. Sniff~I miss him! Love the orange kitties!

  13. Aurora - it really doesn't matter what exactly happened during the visits. I suspect nothing much because I can't imagine anyone as anal as the adoptive mother leaving the kid alone with anyone.

    I just think that at 12, she should be able to make some of these decisions for herself. Mermaid would know this better than I do, but isn't 12 the age when kids can speak for themselves in custody matters before a court? I know that judges don't have to do what the kid wants them to, but their word carries some weight at that age.

  14. Bekkah,

    That's Big Bad Louis, King of the Fourth Floor, Thunderpaws Supreme, Hug Slut of the World. That photo was taken in August of last year, when he was 18 years old.

    Lou was a 28 pound monster of a cat and NOT overweight at that. He was also a lifelong diabetic who was remarkably healthy. Sadly, he developed both arthritis and a degenerative bone condition in one hip, and since he was a diabetic he could not be given painkillers.

    We granted him the dignity of a death free of pain in September. All of the technicians at the vet came in to see him before he was put down, and when we left, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. He was a terrific cat and we still miss him.

    I got all misty this afternoon when I hauled out my favorite red sweater and there was orange fur on it.

  15. Oh, and ps. I'll post a photo of Nina, a ten pound kitty that's still growing (yeesh) next to the same pillow next week. It'll give you a sense of scale.

  16. Thanks, Messy. Louis is a gorgeous cat and a king among felines. I mourn your loss. It hurts to lose a member of the family, no matter what the species. I remember you telling the Fray about the loss of your beloved cat. He was beautiful. I look forward to the picture of Nina.
    I really miss my Spice kitty. He was an inside/outside cat (I live in the West and our cats are able to roam) and one day he just never came home. I looked for him, asked the neighbors,but someone took him away. They probably thought they were rescuing him instead of taking him away from home. My boys and I are currently awaiting the arrival of our new kitty, a grey tabby cat who is still too young to leave the momma kitty. My boys have been asking me for a year when could we/would we get a new cat. Hopefully, by Thanksgiving we'll have our new baby!

  17. It's entirely possible nothing is happening except a kid deciding to express her independence. But I also know, from personal experience, about "friendly" hugs that are just a little too close, "playful" wrestling matches that involve a little too much touching, and "innocent" comments that are anything but. I also know about being embarrassed to say anything. And all of these things happened with my mother/another adult in the room.

  18. So wonderful to read you each week, Messy!

    I do have one other perspective on #4 though. I agree that the child should be able to decide who she visits/contacts, and that the adoptive parent is a pig. However, here and in other responses, it is always assumed that the family of the Birth Mom are of a kind with BM.

    A dear friend of mine has fostered literally dozens of children, and was persistent enough to adopt the baby girl that she and her partner parented from minutes after the child's birth. My friend is often required by the court to allow visits from the children's parents and extended family. Many of these people are reprehensible. However, some, including one set of grandparents and an aunt of the daughter are good people. They don't have any contact with the scumbag BM, but would very much love to watch their grandbaby (/niece) grow up. Is my friend wrong to allow supervised visits with loving family? Send a Christmas card?

    My point is: not all family of scum is scum. Some are, yes, but not all.

    My $.02

  19. Skoorzba, this is an entirely different situation. Adopting an infant is one thing. Sure, most of the "family" members that will be visiting her are indeed scum, but they have never had a chance to hurt her. She'll figure out for herself which ones she wants to see and she'll have the grounding and security that she has had since birth to be able to back that up.

    By the time a five-year-old is in foster care and parental rights are revoked, that child has been through a shitstorm of abuse and ugliness that you and I can't even begin to comprehend. It takes a LOT to remove a kid like this and the fact that a judge did it means that there was NOBODY in that family that could be trusted with that child.

    Not only that, at five she remembers some of what went on. If I can remember incidents from the age of two or three, you want to bet that this poor kid has memories that involve the people she's been forced to interact with that will give her nightmares for the rest of her life.

    This is why I think most open adoptions are pure, unadulterated bullshit. And before you decide I don't know what I'm talking about, both my brother and sister are adopted. Confusing little kids and making them feel insecure because they "have" to visit with essentially a total stranger who gave them away might make the birth mother feel good, but it does no good for the kid.

    Adoption means that the ONLY family that child has is the people who adopted her. Period. They are the people that will raise her. They are the people who will be there for her. They are the ones that will take care of her.

    If, at the age of 18, THE CHILD chooses to meet her birth family, then good. If they want to see her, then they can all meet. At 18, the kid is in control of the situation and will not feel threatened by it. Take note that the vast majority of adoptees are not interested in meeting what the PC crowd likes to call their "birth families". That's because these people ARE NOT FAMILY.

  20. Yes on all counts! The moment I read these on Thursday, I looked forward to this weeks SHADDAP.

    As always, the right amount of snark, and the right amount of common sense. (Which unfortunately is not common...)

  21. Messy, in reference to your comment to "Aurora", here in CA there is no minimum age at which a child's opinion is heard before the court in child custody matters. The criteria is ~ as long as the child is "mature enough for such an inquiry to be appropriate."

    If the child can articulate their wants and concerns, they are taken into consideration. I have seen children as young as 4 be able to clearly state who they want to live with, with well-thought out reasoning behind it. (Picture Cool Niece.) If a young child flat-out refused to see a parent, the judge would likely defer a visitation order pending investigation into why the child felt that way. If an older child refuses, it's a done deal.

  22. Thanks Mermaid, that's good to know. I know there are states that do these things for older kids but not younger ones - Texas and New York spring to mind, but don't hold me to that. It very much depends on the kid.

    I don't think there's anywhere that would completely ignore the child's wishes without a thorough investigation, though. The Cool Niece is 2 1/2 now - if she had a screaming meltdown every time she went to see her father, everyone would have to know why.

  23. Awesome, Messy! And dead on! All of it. I especially liked the refernce to the parents about not being able to get their designer Foreign baby, because that's what I was thinking too! Totally loved it. You said mostly what I tried to say in my latest post. I should just bow to you now and get it over with... ;)

  24. Mess, it used to be that if a young child had a screaming fit about visitation, the most you could hope for was supervised visitation with a concurrent investigation because the immediate thought was that the child had been brainwashed by the other party, so the courts weren't willing to make that leap and perhaps "take away the right" of an innocent parent. The courts have come a long way in recognizing that a children's wishes should be given much more consideration than in the past.

    We had a case early on (nearly 20 years ago) where it was PROVEN that the father had molested his 3 year old (with Tinker Toys, to be specific) but the court just ordered him in for counseling and continued to allow supervised visits. So he'd take her to his church (that sided with him), which was on the list of approved "supervisors", and sit his daughter on his lap facing him during services, cover them both with his coat "because she was cold" and the sick f*ck would rape her right there in front of everyone. Parishoners noticed her crying. He told them "She misses her mommy."

    You're right ~ things have come a long way, thank god. The courts now recognize that a parent's "right" to visit their child comes secondary to the child's "right" not to be visited by someone they don't want ~ including their own parent.

  25. Ok Mermaid. That story was proof positive that I could never do your job. How the hell do you manage it? I'd have gone all Road Warrior on his ass. I certainly wouldn't have been able to listen to him with a straight face.

    Why is it always kids? And why is it that people are always so hot to "forgive", when they haven't a fucking clue what they're talking about? One of those eternal mysteries, I guess.

  26. Oh hell, I'm glad I caught this! The way I managed in this particular case was ~ we represented the ex-wife ~ not this scumbag!! I would have refused to work on his case if he was our client. But that's a moot point because he wouldn't have been our client because we don't represent scumbags like this. It took every ounce of resolve for our attorney to not deck this f*cker when he saw him in court. Or out in the parking lot afterwards.

    This was back in the 80s when "father's rights" were really coming to the forefront. It was recognized that children need their dads as much as they need their moms. So whenever a legitimate case came up like this, the courts were really loathe to go against what the mainstream was telling them. For some reason, they thought it would be more detrimental for the child to grow up "without a father" (or mother) in their life than it would be to protect them from them. If a parent showed that they were "trying" in even the smallest way ~ that was good enough for the court to grant continued visitation "in the best interest of the child."

    And this was a particularly tough case. Mom was understandably hysterical about the situation. When they'd appear before the Mediator, dad was always calm, cool, and collected, going to his therapy, going to church, and mom presented as a raving lunatic each time.

  27. What happened in the end? Surely someone managed to get the kid into a doctor? I know nurses who are faced with the same thing - a dad or stepdad trying to explain how the six-year-old has syphilis...

  28. The mom eventually flipped out enough that the court wasn't doing enough to protect her daughter and had us sign a waiver as her attorney and she picked up the kid and took off. The police came to question me about it because, in addition to being our client, she was a neighbor that lived around the corner from me (I didn't know this until I saw her address on her intake papers) and they thought I might have known something about her plans.

    The child had been seen by a doctor numerous times ~ which is a problem in itself. Mom would take her to the pediatrician after each visitation to be examined ~ and she admitted that she "examined" her on her own at home. Imagine being a 4 year old and having a gyno exam every week! Eventually all those exams add up to what looks like abuse and the kid would scream every time she saw someone in a white coat. After a while, it was hard for the court to get a clear picture of who was really abusing the kid. Dad's had taken place "in the past" (and he was working on it) and mom's appeared to be an ongoing cycle of brainwashing and abuse masquerading as concern.

  29. Hi Messy and Mermaid,

    Just when I think I've read/heard the worst that human beings have to offer, I read about that poor little girl having that done to her in church. Words just fail me.

    Mermaid, may all the higher powers bless you, I could not do what you do. My mother is a preschool teacher and mandated reporter, I've heard plenty (with no names mentioned ofcourse)but this story wins hands down for the sickest F*cker yet. I used to fantasize about all the ways I'd like to hunt down and torture and kill molesters like that, just to blow off steam about abuse that happened to me (that was nowhere near as bad as what that poor child had to endure)

    Messy, I loved every word you had for LW#1. How people don't get that this is sadistic behavior that usually escalates is beyond me. Many Fraysters were excusing it with 'hey it's only tickling, and she says he's a great guy'. Yeah he's a real catch. So right about her getting the hell out b4 she gets knocked up by the guy.

  30. I always get hell when I tell women get out, not knocked up, but I ignore that. If they can't figure out why someone like the LW would want to be in contact with a jerk for the rest of her life, then I have nothing to say for them.

    Where did that bullshit myth about making babies "so he'll stay with me" come from, anyway?