tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8625154341780348225.post1568283130791096988..comments2023-10-10T03:23:44.471-05:00Comments on SHADDAP!: What the fuck, kids?Aunt Messyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07424781871244170075noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8625154341780348225.post-4781790770981447812014-03-29T00:51:57.148-05:002014-03-29T00:51:57.148-05:00Lol, u really do seem pissed, hahaha, but enjoyed ...Lol, u really do seem pissed, hahaha, but enjoyed reading it, Do follow me at http://Sehrishzanwerz.blogspot.comAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14877104419759329399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8625154341780348225.post-88405519565430307832013-10-20T23:12:32.377-05:002013-10-20T23:12:32.377-05:00You're right. Read above. The binge drinking t...You're right. Read above. The binge drinking that's causing so many problems on college campuses and else where is a massive problem for everyone - we have to deal with it. Enforcement is the other key to the problem in that instance. <br /><br />But make no mistake - no one is immune. No one can stop someone who's bent on hurting them from doing just that. Absolutely people have to be cautious. I'm the first one to have my keys between my fingers when I walk home. I never use an IPod when I'm walking in the streets (although I've seen people driving with earbuds and what the hell is that, if it's not begging for an accident?). <br /><br />We can't blame women for rape any more than we can blame men for being mugged. Crime happens. Blaming all rapes on booze when we know for an absolute FACT that the vast majority of rapes happen when both parties are sober is idiotic. It's a lie. <br /><br />I've never been one to grab for an easy answer. I don't see anything in only one dimension, and I NEVER see in black and white. I know just how easy it is for life to throw a curve ball that can either destroy or make a person. We can analyze this stuff until the sky turns green and unicorns poop marshmallows and I will stand by everything I've said above. <br /><br />Emily fucked up. She was being glib instead of cogent. She insulted women - assuming that we are nothing but a bunch of fluffy idiots who can't take care of ourselves, but she also insulted men. Never forget that. This assumption that men (in the words of a good friend) are nothing more than a bunch of helpless wandering penises that spend all their time looking for a human to shove themselves in is as ugly as any victim blaming that people indulge in when they talk about women. <br /><br />Why do we take this shit? Why isn't someone standing up and saying, "This is not us. We are better than this. We will not permit these things to happen if we can prevent them"? <br /><br />Life isn't fair. Nowhere is it written that life is fair. So let's stop blaming people for being hurt. It's only random chance that it wasn't you in the same position.Instead of blaming women for rape, blame the few assholes who rape women. Flush them out. Put the bastards away. Don't LET corrupt police forces prevent investigations. Don't LET colleges protect the privileged few. PUSH for better enforcement. <br /><br />Sigh. I'm quite sure that there are a lot of people who will still tell me I'm wrong. Whatever. This isn't a popularity contest, after all.<br /><br />Never let the bastards get you down. Sage advice from a person I used to know, who knows better than most what that's all about. <br />Aunt Messyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07424781871244170075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8625154341780348225.post-13660566535320078412013-10-20T19:14:30.124-05:002013-10-20T19:14:30.124-05:00I agree that rape is never a woman (or gay man'...I agree that rape is never a woman (or gay man's) fault. Even if she is walking around in a string bikini in mid-winter. Even if she is down to her panties and changes her mind when he starts to open the rubber about actually engaging in coitus.<br /><br />However, I disagree that women (and men) should not be cautioned that NOT being aware of their surroundings at all times is dangerous. I'm not saying not to drink, or even to imbibe in other, even perhaps less legal (depending upon the participant's age) pleasures. However, to do these to excess makes a person less able to say no, less able to see an attack coming, less able to try to run or to fight or to yell for help.<br /><br />None of this makes the person or people who cause harm - rape, robbery, whatever - less responsible for their choice to commit evil. None of these makes the victim responsible for the harm which has come to him or to her. However, like a deaf man walking on a railroad track around a curve, or a small child crossing a freeway, or a white person walking in a dark alley in a black neighborhood, or a black kid buying Skittles late at night in an exclusive white neighborhood, there are actions which can cause one to be at a greater risk for harm; even though their actions may be legal, moral, and harmless. <br /><br />Absolutely men should be taught from a very young age to respect others, regardless or gender, race, religion, size, etc. Absolutely people including straight and lesbian women and gay and even straight men should be able to report a crime without fear of being made to feel that she or he is responsible for the harm done to him or to her, or that they are somehow less human for having reported this crime. <br /><br />Sadly, there are too many parasites, homophobes, and bullies in this world for the world which should be to exist now. Therefore, we must warn our sons and our daughters, and our mothers, sister, fathers, and brothers, to take such precautions as they can to minimize the chances of what happened to you to happen to them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8625154341780348225.post-83205585673962278142013-10-20T13:46:46.575-05:002013-10-20T13:46:46.575-05:00@Nunya. We do agree here, although it takes a bit ...@Nunya. We do agree here, although it takes a bit of peering around corners to get there. <br /><br />Emily has been in the advice biz for quite a while now and I've been reading (and writing parodies) her column ever since she replaced Margo. That's my basis for comparison, so when I say that Emily is in turn humourless, outright silly, and completely tone-deaf from time to time. <br /><br />That said. Emily aimed at low-hanging fruit this time - right into the niche that a whole lot of news stories are crawling into these days and she completely missed the mark. She did take aim and binge-drinking, and so she should. It kills kids. However, by repeating the old saw that only women are responsible for being assaulted the crossed a line. She stopped short of saying, "Girls who drink deserved to be violently assaulted", but the subtext is there, and it's incredibly offensive. <br /><br />Yes. Men ARE stronger than women. We make easier targets. It's all true. But here's something you missed. Even though my attacker was more than twice my size (I weighed 115 pounds at the time, he was over six feet tall and literally twice my weight), and even though he started his assault by punching me in the stomach with all his strength, I STILL had people telling me that it was my fault. <br /><br />Seriously. Both men and women attacked me. A HUGE majority claimed I should have fought back, that it was my fault I got raped because I could have "done something". As if. It doesn't take much to incapacitate someone if you aren't afraid to hurt them very badly, and I was hurt very badly. <br /><br />It made them uncomfortable that they couldn't put me in the "drunk slut" box. It enraged some of them that I was so blunt about what happened. They had to find some way to blame me for getting attacked because they just can't admit that it was just bad luck. I could have been anyone. I was an object to this person. I did nothing wrong (and neither did you, BTW, and I'm sorry you were victimized), so they had to find something I did that "made" this person attack me. <br /><br />Of course Emily didn't go there, either. It's scary to think that attacks can happen out of the blue, with no reason to them. She, like many others, seems to think that if she can pretend that campus rapes only happen to drunken slutty girls at parties, then her daughter will be safe. The truth is that she might be safer at parties full of drunks and that's about it. <br /><br />There's a lot of baggage around this. There are people who just don't want to believe that the "clean cut" young man would commit a violent crime, even though (as in Maryville) the proof is overwhelming. There are the bystanders who chuckle nervously and don't report crimes because they don't want to be thought "uncool". There are police and district attorneys who don't even bother investigating crimes because... I don't know. I think in Maryville cash exchanged hands. I would LOVE to look into certain bank accounts. <br /><br />So no. I don't disagree with you. I do think that Emily knows damned well that this is an extremely complex issue and CHOSE to ignore it in favour of taking the easy way and banging out a column in an hour or less.Aunt Messyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07424781871244170075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8625154341780348225.post-4821498391576114992013-10-20T03:18:31.727-05:002013-10-20T03:18:31.727-05:00I think we disagree on a lot but have a very simil...I think we disagree on a lot but have a very similar moral philosophy, a similar ethic, and a similar pathos. I think you're a lot like me, but you've reached different conclusions. I base this idea on my ability to read people, even people I've never met. You read a lot like me. You're perceptive and honest about your perceptions. I think your perceptions are wrong, sometimes. I think you're wrong about Yoffe, in this case. I don't follow her so I can't speak to her specifically, but I think that it doesn't hurt to point out to women that binge drinking = bad. <br /><br />I know from personal experience that it's very bad. And I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'm very glad that on the occasions when I've been shitfaced, I wasn't a woman.<br /><br />Women are definitely easier targets for predators. Women are weaker physically, on average, than most men. And they're more culturally and genetically compliant.<br /><br />I realize these "insights" won't win me any awards. And I realize that I'm spouting an uncomfortable truth.<br /><br />But hey, I've been in a situation where I was likely to be raped. I was lucky my friends were there. And I was raped as a very young boy. With a plunger.<br /><br />So I do know whereof I speak. Surely you have known me long enough to know that I think about the things I say, before I say them.<br /><br />I don't get your outrage over Yoffe's piece. I really don't. I don't see it as "giving hell" to women who get drunk. Given that we live in a culture where getting plastered is normalized, I see her article as a painful truth.<br /><br />And yeah, I'll come around here. I like you. Hope your blog takes off, man. :)Nunya Biznatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11035532703905974611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8625154341780348225.post-33382110492476678692013-10-19T17:37:54.166-05:002013-10-19T17:37:54.166-05:00Thanks for coming!
The term "rape culture&q...Thanks for coming! <br /><br />The term "rape culture" is overused, but when you're looking at places like Maryville and Steubenville, it's the perfect descriptor. The frightening thing is that in both cases, there was a football team involved, and a culture that turns those little turds into tin-pot small "g" gods. It's happening in younger and younger grades, too. I have to believe that there's something inherently wrong with this focus on winning at all costs and to hell with the consequences.<br /><br />If you've been following me at all, you know that I grew up with a sociopath or two all up close and personal. One thing I'm pretty good at is reading people. So yes. You're right that there are always a few of those people around. I can think of three that I encountered (and knew to stay far, far away from) in Grades 1 through 12. <br /><br />All three were horrible bullies. All three did things that should have had them in prison. Only two were boys, though. I also ran into a couple of kids like that when I was teaching.<br /><br />I can see it a mile away, of course. They have flat affect. They ape emotions, but their eyes are dead, and they're a beat behind the people around them. If you look for it, you can see that they laugh a beat behind everyone else, like they have to study other people to know how they should be reacting. <br /><br />The sad part about that, though, is that people don't want to see that in a kid. Adults flatly refuse to acknowledge that these emotionally dead kids can't be changed. They'll make excuses for them 'til the cows come home. Their parents will deny that there's a problem even if they've see evidence about where the kids are heading from when they're little. I understand the impulse. Kids are cute and little and no one wants to think there could be a real problem there. <br /><br />One of the kids I went to school with committed his first rape when he was only 12. Nothing happened to him. Everyone knew to stay well away from him and I personally know of at least two more rapes he committed. He also put several people in the hospital just for looking at him funny (his words, not mine). One of the others (also a boy) left a trail of dead pets wherever he went, tortured his younger siblings and even set his own mother's clothing on fire with lighter fluid and a match once. I suspect that he's either in prison or dead. <br /><br />At every step of the way, someone was making excuses for these people. Heck, there are even people who will tell me what a "great guy" my father was and he's been dead since 1997! They have no idea, or if they do, they choose not to see it. Our next door neighbours were the kings and queens of denial. Both husband and wife SAW what was going on and said nothing. So yes. You're right. <br /> People need to know that they have a duty to report crimes - that it doesn't make them "un-cool" to make an anonymous 911 call when they see something horrendous happening. Can we make it "cool" for kids to feel as if they can go to an adult they trust with these things? How do we go about that? Spotting these people early is never going to happen, though. I've tried to point out problems and have been accused of being some sort of "nazi" or "paranoid" to the ranting howls of,"But they haven't DONE anything yet!"<br /><br />Of course they HAVE done some pretty horrendous things by that time...but again, no one wants to see it.<br /><br />Sigh. Rant over. I do hope you pop around here from time to time, though. I also post at onemessylady@blogspot.com. Generally, those are nicer (as it were) subjects. <br /><br />I know we disagree on a lot. I really appreciate that you were willing to come and talk. Now. What do you think of the photos? Pretty cool, right? I wish I had half the talent some of these guys do....Aunt Messyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07424781871244170075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8625154341780348225.post-14006199754798953372013-10-19T15:35:23.912-05:002013-10-19T15:35:23.912-05:00Hey Messy. Renegade from salon here. I'm posti...Hey Messy. Renegade from salon here. I'm posting my response that I also posted on Salon here.<br /><br />Yeah, I've heard about Maryville. Definitely a travesty of justice and it makes me re-think my opposition to the term rape-culture. I'm not quite to the point where I agree with that term applied to society at large, but Maryville certainly seems to have a rape culture.<br /><br />Let me make a suggestion that nobody seems to be making, anywhere. I went to school with a lot of kids that everyone knew were bullies and I think were probably sociopaths. A lot of them (but not all of them) were on the football team.<br /><br />Just as you're saying about people watching rape happen, lots and lots of people watched these guys bully, harass, and intimidate whomever they wanted. It wouldn't surprise me a bit if some of these same guys went on to be serial sexual predators.<br /><br />I don't know what the solution is, but I'm pretty sure that part of it is to not ignore the warning signs of sociopathic behavior in younger kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com